Just Be You

A couple of years ago I would be the first to deny the fact that I struggled in life. I always wore a smile to cover up the pain and hurt. I would only let my frustration out when I was alone. I always made myself look and seem like I had everything under control. In reality I did in fact have the outer appearance under control, but on the inside I just couldn’t even as much as get a grip on what was going on inside.

When my deceased husband’s accident happened, I fought so hard to keep up that image. I fought even harder when he died. I managed to keep it up majority of the time. To strangers I was the one who brought sunshine in their world of pain (or so I’ve been told), but to the close ones who knew me, knew I was a brewing storm that would soon cause destruction.

No matter what the circumstances were, I thought I still had an image I had to keep persuading to others. I couldn’t give them one little reason to doubt that as a widow and mom of two, I wasn’t ok.

Fast forward to now…

The past four years I have learned a lot about myself and life. The image that I was strong about keeping up, well it slowly disappeared.

I’ve learned that a pretty smile can not hide a broken heart. Makeup can’t cover up swollen eyes that has been crying. Encouraging words to others are harder for you to take heed to yourself. And your testimony is the only proof you have of the life you strongly fight to live.

Days are harder for me now. Some days I may not smile as much. Some days you may see me cry and some days I can’t even encourage someone else because I’m the one who needs encouraging.

Keeping up an image that is far from the truth is much harder. Do not hide the real you. Let them see you mad. Let them see you happy. Let them see you cry. Let them see you smile. Let them see you upset. Let them see you grieve. Let them see you laugh. Let them see your pain. Let them see your hurt. Let them see you heal. Most importantly, let them see you be you.

Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being yourself.