I Can’t Protect Them..

~ ashley smith

My momma heart absolutely can not take it.

Last night as me and my two oldest kids were on the way to church, I hear my son in the backseat crying. When I asked what was wrong he replies, “I don’t want my other daddy to die too like my real daddy.”

My heart completely shattered.

My 8 year old son & my 7 year old daughter, as well as myself have been attacked the last almost 4 years. And as much as I want to shield them from things that will hurt them, I can’t protect them from this kind of hurt.

We know what its like to lose someone who our heart loves so much and the fact that someone else came into the picture who we love just the same and now has a “death sentence” on life has torn us apart once again.

As we proceeded to church I was bombarded with questions. “If he had six months to live then, how long does he has left?” “Will he get sicker?” “Will he get to say goodbye when God takes him?” “Will he get to see our real daddy when he gets there?” “Do you think God will keep him here being he already took one daddy from us?” I was struck with questions I could not answer.

I replied, “Pray as much as you can and believe in it.”

We arrived at church, dried our faces, and like we are known for, we walked in with smiles and laughter that covered the hurt.

During the prayer requests, I watched my son as he fought back the tears and fought through the lump in his throat and asked our church to pray for his step daddy because he’s sick and getting sicker. As the super momma that I am, I was fighting back my own tears as my son finished up and looked at me for assurance.

In situations like this, as their momma I can’t help them. In fact there’s no other person on the face of this earth that can help them. Their help has to come from God above.

I can’t protect them from this pain that life throws us. But I can teach them how to deal with the hand we are dealt with. I can teach them to pray and the times that they should pray. I can take them to the house of God and be an example to them that worshipping God gives their souls peace when its crowded by pain. I can teach them that the answers to life are in the bible. I can teach them that when the devil comes to attack them to pray and then break out in a worship song.

I can’t protect them from the hurt & pain that comes with life, but I can teach them who to rely on that has control over all things.

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Published by ashley smith

Hey yall! Just alittle about me. I am not your average young lady. Got married in July of 2010. Had my first child, a boy in December of 2010. Had my second child, a daughter in December of 2011. My world started falling in July of 2015. Then in June of 2016 I became a widow. Such a tragic that still haunts me. Story for a later day. I begin to pick the pieces up. I fell in love again. Had my third child, a boy in November of 2017. Married a man that I fell in love with in June of 2018. I am only 28 years old and I tend to carry alot on my shoulders here lately. Balancing several different things. To release pressure built up from stress life throws at me I tend to write alot. And well thats where I am now. I am coming from my notebook once again and releasing it to the internet to hopefully inspire and encourage others who are like myself and have been dealt a hand of troubling cards. Life is hard, but God is good!

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