They Are The Strong Ones…

Do you know what its like to tell your children their father was in an accident? Or worse, that he might not make it?

I remember that day. The worst day of my life, or so I thought. I contacted family to threaten them pretty much not to breathe a word to my kids about what was going on. It was my job to do that. That evening after hearing what the doctor said, I called for my children. As I sat in that hospital hallway, I saw them making their way towards me. I prayed. I prayed for God to give me the words to say. I prayed for God to help me. I prayed for God to help them. As they got closer, I dried my face. They knew something was wrong. I grabbed both of them. I knew they were too young to understand, but I told them, “Daddy is hurt so he has to stay in the hospital. I want yall to pray hard and as much as you can for daddy.” I was angry with myself for not telling them the whole truth, but I knew I had to keep it to a minimum for their precious little hearts. It was hard telling them they can’t see daddy and even harder seeing them cry because they can’t see him.


Do you know what its like to watch your children see their daddy in a hospital?

It was heartbreaking. As I had to sneak my children in an icu room to catch one minute, one whole minute of their daddy. As they looked at him with staples in his head. Dried blood on his body. A trach in his neck. Tubes coming out of his body from every angle. And his head, his head swollen huge as well as his body. Scared of all the beeping from the machines. Have you seen a three and four year old witness that? Have you seen the hurt all over them? Not to mention how scared their little bodies were to look at their daddy and question is that really my daddy.


Do you know what it looks like and how it feels to watch your kids say goodbye to their daddy?

As the crew wheeled him out on a stretcher, wrapped up in blankets from head to toe, strapped down, with a helmet on his head to drive him to an airport. How they cried as they kissed and looked at their daddy, scared that they may never see him again.

Do you know what its like to tell your children, momma and daddy has to go out of town for awhile so daddy can get better? And that momma and daddy will be gone for a long time? Do you know how it feels to go so long without your kids?

It’s a horrible feeling. It makes you hate life. It makes you angry at everyone around you. And more than anything it makes you question God as to why? I vowed to my husband to be there for him in sickness and in health. I knew as a wife and mother I was doing exactly what I was suppose to do, but I battled the thought daily that I was failing as their momma. I missed eleven months of my children’s life. Those eleven months were the months that my children started to grow into the person they would become. I missed the first year of my son playing ball. Something I had prayed God for and there I was missing out on it. I missed my daughter’s first year of school and her first events that were held during that year. I missed my son’s fifth birthday, but by the grace of God I was able to celebrate it with his sister on her fourth birthday just days later. I missed celebrating Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Easter with them. Over five hours and three hundred and some odd miles separated me from my kids. Not only me, but my husband too. We got to see them, sometimes twice a month. The phone calls got shorter each time. I felt as if they were adjusting to life without us. I felt as if they were winging there way away from us because somedays we went without hearing from them. I missed them terribly and not only me, but their daddy too. I remembered how when he couldn’t say anything he would yell our children’s names. How he would always write a message for them. I even remember one night out of the blue we called to talk to the kids and my husband who hadn’t said anything for a very long time said something to our son. The first time my husband hugged anyone since his accident was the day our kids came to visit and he one handed hugged our son tight. It took a toll on us as their parents and also them. However through all the downfall that it brought being without them, they also encouraged us especially their daddy in his therapy.


Do you know what its like for your children to consider their daddy as a different person?

The picture with this blog is the very first time my children saw their father after his accident out of a hospital bed. My husband who couldn’t walk, talk, or do anything he normally would do, just sat there. He sat there in his wheelchair, helmet on, tubes still coming out of every angle, and arm wrapped up. He sat there in a stare. Completely disabled. My kids were so excited to see daddy. Their happy faces changed when they walked in that room. They were scared to walk up to him, but they did. Hand and hand they walked up close to him, but not close enough to touch him. They stood there and admired him like someone exploring a museum. Scared to touch something fragile. Scared that they would break it. For minutes they stood there just staring. A four year old brother with his arm wrapped around his three year old little sister. It was trauma to them. Seeing someone always on the go suddenly strapped in a chair as if he had no life. So many questions bombarded their tiny little minds, yet they didn’t ask one in front of him. In fact they didnt ask any at all away from him either.


Do you know what it’s like to tell your children their daddy passed away?

I remember this so well. In fact as long as I live and still have my memory I will remember this. This was one of the worst things I ever had to do. The whole ride from Georgia I pondered long and hard on how to tell my children that daddy was gone. The closer I got to our home I begin praying to God to give me the words to tell my children. It was made possible that my children weren’t home when I got there. God knew I needed time to gather myself together before they came. I remember losing it when I got in the driveway. I remember grabbing my daddy and crying. This was real. I came into our house and sat in my husband’s recliner, the recliner he rocked our baby girl to sleep every night and I just cried. I asked for my parents, my husband’s parents, his brother, and my brother and sisters to stay in the room with me as I told my children. I wasn’t ready to destroy their lives, but it was time because they had arrived. As they were ushered into the living room, I sat on the floor waiting for them. In their tiny minds I knew they thought it was some kind of home coming for momma and daddy because alot of cars and people were there and momma’s car was home. When they walked in and saw momma sitting on the floor, they immediately looked around for daddy. Even asked where he was. I grabbed them both and hugged them. To this day I remember the exact words I said to them and those words weren’t the words I had rehearsed the whole five and a half hours from Georgia to home. I sat them down. It took everything in me to hold back the tears and get the words out. I looked them both in the eyes. I said, “Do you know how we pray to God for some things to happen and sometimes he allows them to and sometimes he doesn’t?” They both nodded yes. I said, “Do you know how we prayed for God to make Daddy better?” Both nodded yes. I said, “Daddy had been praying for God to take him to heaven. God answered our prayers by making daddy better, but God also answered Daddy’s prayers and took him to heaven. Daddy isn’t coming home. Daddy is gone to heaven. Daddy is with Jesus.” With tears coming out I was about to burst as I watched my kids look at me not fully comprehending what I had just thrown at them. I could see confusion all over their tiny faces, not just that day, but for the days and weeks after that.


Do you know what its like to raise children with a deceased parent?

It can at times be the worst life. Raising your kids and not having a clue as to what they are going through. Raising your kids and not knowing what kind of path they are walking because you don’t know what its like to lose a parent. Raising your children and trying to “double” your love for them because they don’t have both parents alive. Living up to a standard of giving them your all times two when you in fact know you’re failing as a momma already and to add to it you’re trying to do the daddy role too. Lets not forget to mention how hard it is to comfort them knowing from your experiences that words are much easier said than done. Every little thing around you brings up a memory to them. You watch them as they reminisce on it. You either end up with belly laughs or tears and a snotty nose. You hurt as you watch them hurt on their bad days. You listen as they express their feelings and as a momma each one feels like a knife puncturing you. You hear all their wishes. “I wish my daddy was here. I wish my daddy can see me do this. I wish my daddy could one day walk me down the aisle. I wish my daddy could go fishing with me.” You cry as you hear them on their bad days beg God to let them go to heaven and be with their daddy. You try to cross oceans for them to get their tiny minds off of it. But truth is it’s burned in their minds. It’s something they can’t run from no matter how hard they try. The life they once had was stripped from them way too soon and this, this is the life they have now that they truly do not deserve.

They are the STRONG ONES!