In A Widow’s Shoes

~ ashley smith

When you’re a widow or have been in a widow’s shoes you know life can be so hard at times. Memories come out of nowhere and they either make you cry or make you laugh.

Today was a day it hit me hard. Good and bad. I found time to laugh over memories that came back and cry.

Today was emotional.

Today my best friend of 20+ years married her soul mate. This morning as we were all getting dolled up I remembered almost ten years ago I was in her shoes and she was in my corner helping me. As I looked at her I remembered her looking at me the same way. She was the most beautiful bride i had ever seen.

The service started. I was emotionally happy. As the bride came down, so did the tears. One tear fell because she was stunning, one tear fell over the way the groom looked at her as i recalled my deceased husband looking at me, one tear fell because her daddy & mom wasnt on earth to share it, one tear fell because of the way her Uncle walked her in, and one tear fell as i thought of my own daughter walking down the aisle without her biological father.

Time for the vows and the memories flooded of both of my wedding days. The vows I made with my deceased husband and my husband now. Then the groom made a vow to the son of the bride. The waterworks started. I recall how my husband now promised my two kids he’d always be there.

My insides were about to burst. The whole time i stood there praying in my head for the Lord above to let my best friend and her groom have a wonderful life together unlike the tragic that has struck both of my marriages. What I once had was gone. The lord blessed me again to get a second experience and now at any given time that too can be gone.

With tears in my eyes I stood there knowing that this beautiful day was only the beginning of their life together. With tears in my eyes I knew that a marriage could go two ways and as in my situation one ended with tragic. So i begin to pray that for whatever reason that the God in heaven would steer it down the road of happiness.

As we were at the reception with tears I watched the bride and groom do their first dance. I watched the bride and her uncle do the father/daughter dance again with tears. Tears because she didnt get to share it with her daddy, tears because my Mae won’t either, and tears because I’m praying my Mae has that chance with her stepfather. I laughed at the ones on the dance floor as I told my aunt and the bride that if my deceased husband was there he would show out on it.

I sat back and observed everything going on around in happiness thanking God for the memories and the moments that I can still make count!

You see being in a widow’s shoes can be overwhelming and emotionally especially at weddings. Even though the tears fall remembering those moments are worth it all. And today was the perfect day to remind me of the love I had and the second chance at love God gave me❤

Unknown's avatar

Published by ashley smith

Hey yall! Just alittle about me. I am not your average young lady. Got married in July of 2010. Had my first child, a boy in December of 2010. Had my second child, a daughter in December of 2011. My world started falling in July of 2015. Then in June of 2016 I became a widow. Such a tragic that still haunts me. Story for a later day. I begin to pick the pieces up. I fell in love again. Had my third child, a boy in November of 2017. Married a man that I fell in love with in June of 2018. I am only 28 years old and I tend to carry alot on my shoulders here lately. Balancing several different things. To release pressure built up from stress life throws at me I tend to write alot. And well thats where I am now. I am coming from my notebook once again and releasing it to the internet to hopefully inspire and encourage others who are like myself and have been dealt a hand of troubling cards. Life is hard, but God is good!

Leave a comment